I am happy. I have not been able to say this for a really long time.
I mean the gang stalking has not been great, but even that get's old after a time. The same stupid stunts, people that I think are too stupid to wash a car, much less following me around, I watch them act hysterical at times and think, gosh they are stupid. After a time I learned to tune that out, and focus on my spirit.
See I really do believe that we are mind, body and spirit. I think we are spirit, having a human experience. You hear that on talk shows a lot, but what does it mean?
As I have explained before, I think we start off as spirit and come to earth, or other plains of existence to have experiences we could not have in spirit.
I believe one thing I came here to learn was about man's inhumanity to man and how that could happen. When I was younger, the history books, just could not explain how people could be so mean to each other, how they could hurt each other so much. WWII Germany and the events that happened as taught by the history books made no sense, and a large part of what I wanted to do was understand how people could be so mean to each other. I understand this now. Without the Gang Stalking, I could not have. So was this experience arranged to help me understand, reach a higher spiritual level? Maybe. Maybe this experience was called into my realm, cause I so desperately wanted to understand how people could be so mean to each other.
Still aside from that, I wanted to focus on my spirit. Gang Stalking can really kill the spirit, if you let it. It put's you in the midst of people who hate you for no real justifiable reason except they believe some fake label that you have been given, is it right, is it fair? No but it's life.
A couple of years ago, I thought I was going to embark on a truly wondrous spiritual journey. I though maybe I was going to be lucky and finally understand more spiritual things. Instead I think I let in some bad spiritual elements, which took my soul on a bad journey, that I could have done without. I think I really tuned out of some things spiritual, because I simply was not happy, and wanted things to change on a spiritual level, but did not know how to make it so. I believe we have a human will, and a spiritual will, and the two do not have to see eye to eye.
So I just tuned out, and I think when you are around bad or parasitic elements, if they see the opportunity, they will just take advantage, and it draws worst, and worst things into your realm. Also more and more paracitic elements. I think also the opposite is true, when you have good elements around you, it makes a world of differenct. I think that is where I was. Then I did a lot of praying. Some times when you are bummed out, you forget what an effective weapon prayer is. But I prayed, and recently, much to my absolute shock and amazement, I tuned into my spirit to find that my spirit is happy.
Happy is not the right word, but it's the polite one that I have decided to use. Somewhat like going from a sunless sky for years, to your first rays of light in a very long time. Like breathing in air again. Ofcourse tuning into my spirit created a few dilemmas. Awareness is such a strange thing, however being spiritually aware, even if it's only a little bit changes things, vs someone who is completely blank.
I think two people could be in the exact same place spiritually and one be really aware and affected by it and another not. In researching Gang Stalking, I was surprised that there were quite a few targets that were emotionally aware of the energy draining affect of being around the informants. I think I have discussed spiritual shielding before and why it's needful in a situation such as the ones we find ourselves in.
So my spirit is in a legitimate place, a bit settled and happy, but I am here, being Gang Stalked and trying to prove the conspiracy. I wrote a long time that I think you can live in two worlds, by saying that, I was referring to a blog I came across http://www.in2worlds.net, and by that I just mean you can have a physical experience, but be aware of your spiritual life as well.
I think for me this creates another dilemma currently, and being happy in spirit, really does bleed through the matrix, just like being sad in spirit does. I deeply hated being unhappy in spirit, cause you feel like spirit is this thing that is separate, that you have no control over. I still feel this way, but I think you can influence your spirit for the better, and I think that is something each person should strive to do.
So dilemma that I had I temporarily solved it. I have to some degree tuned out of my spirit again, blocked out some aspects, not cause I want to, but I think it's the right thing to do for the time being. I am a bit of a wet blanket that way.
I do know now that when I dream, I am happy, I just don't recall too many of them, but I like dreaming now, where I don't think I did for a while previous to this.
I think it's good to be aware of the fact that we are body, mind, and spirit, but it's also good to be aware that it can cause some unexplained delima's sometimes.
So my gratitude for sleep that is actually peaceful, and an internal world that is for once calm, and well. My awake world remains as it always has been, but I have a slight, faint awareness of being happy, somewhere else, and the little that I let through, I am grateful for.